Helping Your Child Manage Stress

Stress. Whether you are an adult or a child, we have all gone through stress at some point in our lives. Children go through stress on a variety of different levels. There are family stressors, social stressors, and school stressors. For children, however, it is more difficult to spot stress. If you have a young child, they are not likely to walk up to you and say “Mom, Dad, I am feeling stressed out because…” Here are some things to look out for to determine if your child is experiencing stress:
- Acting Out: Often children will become moody and have low frustration tolerance.

- Withdrawing: When stressed, children may retreat and want to spend less time with friends or family and more time alone.

- Emotional: Children may cry over little things or seemingly nothing at all.

- Difficulty Sleeping: Children may have difficulty falling or staying asleep and may complain of being tired (more than usual).

- Somatic Symptoms: Children often complain of headaches, stomachaches, or nausea.

Too often these symptoms are overlooked or not taken seriously. The best way to help your children is to COMMUNICATE! What this does not mean is telling your child what to do or to “get over it.” What is does mean is to LISTEN. A child’s #1 complaint is that they do not feel as though they are being heard by their parents (especially teenagers). As a result, they do not want to talk to their parents, fearing ridicule, lecturing, or minimizing of their problems. So what can you do? Here are some tips to help reduce your child’s stress and to be there for them:

- Listen: Just be there. Do not immediately offer advice unless your child asks for it. Allow him or her a chance to vent and provide empathetic responses (“I can see how that could stress you out.”). Set aside some time at least once a week to check in with your children and find out how school is going, friendships, etc.

- Allow for breaks and fun time: If your child has a lot of homework, “chunk” it and allow them to take 15 minutes breaks for every certain amount of time they spend on homework ( example: every hour). Plan fun outings on the weekends or spend a day inside watching movies.

- Extracurricular activities: Have your child become involved in activities outside of school, but DON’T OVERSCHEDULE! You child needs a mental break and to be around kids in a fun setting. Exercise allows for stress relief.

- Journaling: Have your child keep a journal that he or she can write in when stressed. This allows him or her to “get it out,” instead of letting stress build up inside.

These are just some examples. If you believe your child is overly stressed or anxious, seek professional assistance.

Selective Mutism: What It Is and What You Can Do For Your Child

Selective Mutism is a disorder that is talked about often, but typically not much is known about it. According to SelectiveMutismFoundation.org, Selective Mutism is defined as follows:

"Selective Mutism is a psychiatric disorder most commonly found in children, characterized by a persistent failure to speak in select settings, which continues for more than 1 month. These children understand spoken language and have the ability to speak normally. In typical cases, they speak to their parents and a few selected others. Sometimes, they do not speak to certain individuals in the home. Most are unable to speak in school, and in other major social situations. Generally, most function normally in other ways, although some may have additional disabilities. Most learn age-appropriate skills and academics. Currently, Selective Mutism, through published studies, appears to be related to severe anxiety, shyness and social anxiety."

They key factor in Selective Mutism is that children DO talk in some situations, but not others. Most commonly, children with this issue have anxiety surrounding speaking to peers or adults in a school setting. Typically, children who have Selective Mutism may nod their heads in response to questions presented to them by either peers or adults. They may also prefer to write their responses on paper, rather than having to speak with those around them. Children often fear ridicule by their peers or fear the attention they will receive if they speak. The less they speak, the more peers typically ask them to speak, which leads to a cycle of anxiety and discomfort. Many times their anxiety is the result of a prior incidence of ridicule, at which time the child was teased because of their voice or something they said. Other times the child fears having people looking at and placing him or her at the center of attention. Most often the source of the anxiety is not as clear or is a combination of these and other factors.

The main mistake that most people make when trying to help their children is to force them to talk in the situations they fear. This only serves to increase the child's anxiety and does not help them overcome their fears. Treating Selective Mutism is a slow and steady process. You must work at the child's comfort level when setting up goals for interacting to ensure that they have positive experiences. As they become more comfortable, their goals can increase in difficulty. Before any goals can be set up, however, the child must learn coping skills and relaxation methods to control their anxiety before and during the interactions.

If you believe your child may have symptoms of Selective Mutism or another anxiety disorder, contact a professional for advice and assistance.