Moving Can Be Difficult for Kids (Frederick Gazette Article)

This is the article for which I was interviewed discussing the impact of moving on children. I hope you enjoy it!

http://www.gazette.net/stories/06252009/frednew144503_32521.shtml

Check out the Frederick County Gazette on Thursday June 25th!

Please get your copy of the Frederick County Gazette on June 25th (this Thursday). If you turn to Section A you will find a section that caters to parents and families. There is an article in there written by Abby Henson about helping children adjust to moving. I am the featured expert that was interviewed for this piece. It sounds like a great article and should be very helpful. It is also available online if you are unable to obtain a copy. Please feel free to post your thoughts about the article on this blog! Enjoy!

Summer is here! Remember these tips...

Remember to have a game plan for the summer. The most ideal activity for a child is some form of camp or group so he or she can remain social with peers throughout summer vacation. This is especially important if there is any social anxiety present. If your child is not going to a camp, make sure to have a plan that you share with him or her each day (this sets up the expectations and keeps your child on a consistent schedule). If you are inside, have various activities and allow the child to go through them as he or she would if they were participating in centers at school.

Above all, if you have a behavior plan in place do not stop using it! The worst thing to do is to become lax; your child will pick up on this, push limits, and it it make behavior management more difficult in the future. Just because it is summer does not mean there are no limits!

If you or someone you now have used activities or ideas over the summer before, please feel free to share them on this blog.

Children and the News: Swine Flu

Each day we hear stories about various events taking place in the world. Adults understand what we hear, we know what to pay attention to and what is mostly media hype. Children do not. For example: Swine Flu. It is all over the news and many children are worried. They hear that people are getting sick and, worse, they are dying. There are some easy ways to help your children get the information they need and help them to not panic.

1. If they ask questions, give them developmentally appropriate information. Let them know that there is a sickness going around, but that you and other people around them will do everything possible to keep them safe and healthy. Explain what it is and what it is not (especially that they will not get sick from eating things related to swine).

2. Limit the amount of TV and radio to which they listen. There is a such thing as media hype. Swine Flu is the latest news and the more the children hear about it in excess, the more nervous they become.

3. Be careful how you as parents respond to the news. This is the most important piece. If you panic they will panic. It is ok to feel worried, but do not let your fears cause anxiety in your children. Children pick up on what you feel and say. Talk about your fears with your spouse, away from your children. They are counting on you to be their rock and support. There is nothing scarier to a child than their parents, their super heroes, panicking. There are times to show fear and times to remain calm. For your children, you should try to remain as calm as possible. They do not fully understand what is going on, they will just know you are scared. If you feel your worries are overwhelming you, seek professional assistance.

If you have any questions or feel your child may be struggling with anxiety related to Swine Flu or other issues, feel free to contact Dr. Elise by phone or e-mail.

New Approaches to Stopping Bullying

Last week I attended a workshop that discussed a different way to address bullying, presented by Israel Kalman, MS. He presented methods that put the victim more in control of the situation to better handle it. He also discussed how teachers can help decrease the incidences of bullying and teach the victim to be able to take care of these issues his or herself in the future.

Although Mr. Kalman's methods are different and therefore have been known to be somewhat controversial, I definitely agree with quite a bit of what he has to say. I am a firm believer that victims must be empowered to deal with the bullies so that the bullies know that he or she is not the child to pick on. Of course bullies need to have consequences when it becomes physical or harmful, but if the teacher handles everything for the victim, the victim continues to be just that: a victim. He or she learns that the only way to handle tough situations is to go to someone else to handle it for them. Teaching ways to deal effectively and appropriately with a bully is a life-long skill any child should be taught. As most parents and teachers know, ignoring typically is not effective. Teaching alternative skills can truly help the victims and stop the bullies.

If you would like to learn more about Mr. Kalman's techniques please refer to his website: www.bullies2buddies.com. If you would like to learn more about how I work with victims of bullying, feel free to e-mail or call me for more information.

Good luck!

Effective Arguments (YES! There is a such thing!)

How many times have you heard this:
"Go clean your room!"
"NO!"
"Do it now or your grounded!"
"I don't care if you ground me!"

Parents hear it all the time. Both the parent and the child are engaging in a battle of wills. Unfortunately, no one wins. The problem with these types of arguments is that both people involved are already angry. When both people are angry, logic and reason go out the window. The one motivation becomes to win and, like I just said, no one wins.

The first way to deal with these types of interactions is to stop them before they start. For example, if your child is in the middle of watching a television show or talking on the phone, give them a warning: "After this show is over (if on the phone: "in 10 minutes...") I need you to clean your room (take out the trash, etc.). By providing your child with a warning of time your child has the opportunity to finish what he/she is doing and then move on to the next task. By asking a child to do a task while they are in the middle of another activity, you are provoking them. They become irritated and feel as though what they are doing is more important and will therefore argue and talk back. With a warning, their needs are getting recognized and you are providing an appropriate transition. If at that time your child does not comply, then provide a warning for a consequence: "If you do not clean your room in 5 minutes, you lose your cell phone for the rest of the night until your room is clean." When providing a consequence, always make sure the original task gets accomplished. If not, the consequence is used as a way out of the task you asked him/ her to do.

What happens if you are already in an argument? Parents may need to take the lead in this or, if discussed previously, the child can do so also. Someone within the argument must realized that the conversation has gotten out of hand. As hard as it is, try to keep your voice at a normal talking volume. When one person yells, it automatically triggers the other person to yell. If your child is yelling at you, do not yell back. It is very difficult to yell at someone who is not responding in a similar fashion. When the argument gets out of hand, one person needs to end it by stating that nothing is getting accomplished, so a 5 minute cool off needs to be taken. After 5 minutes, the parent can then say, "Either do this task or else (consequence)." The punishment remains until the task is completed. Make sure it is a consequence that is meaningful! If your child text messages every day, then that should be the first thing to be removed.

After every argument there should be a time when the parent and child sit down and tell their sides, calmly, to each other. This may have to be the next day. It is important to do this to attempt to stop any future arguments by understanding where the person is coming from. Ask for suggestions from each other on how this could have been handled more effectively.

These are just a few suggestions to handling arguments. If you believe that your arguments are too out of hand, contact a professional for assistance. Other issues may be factoring into these arguments.

Remember, Dr. Elise can always be contacted for questions or to set up an appointment either by e-mail, drelise@doctorelise.com, or phone, (301) 712-9015 ext. 1018.

I hope you found this blog helpful, please feel free to leave comments or suggestions for future posts!

Helping Your Child Manage Stress

Stress. Whether you are an adult or a child, we have all gone through stress at some point in our lives. Children go through stress on a variety of different levels. There are family stressors, social stressors, and school stressors. For children, however, it is more difficult to spot stress. If you have a young child, they are not likely to walk up to you and say “Mom, Dad, I am feeling stressed out because…” Here are some things to look out for to determine if your child is experiencing stress:
- Acting Out: Often children will become moody and have low frustration tolerance.

- Withdrawing: When stressed, children may retreat and want to spend less time with friends or family and more time alone.

- Emotional: Children may cry over little things or seemingly nothing at all.

- Difficulty Sleeping: Children may have difficulty falling or staying asleep and may complain of being tired (more than usual).

- Somatic Symptoms: Children often complain of headaches, stomachaches, or nausea.

Too often these symptoms are overlooked or not taken seriously. The best way to help your children is to COMMUNICATE! What this does not mean is telling your child what to do or to “get over it.” What is does mean is to LISTEN. A child’s #1 complaint is that they do not feel as though they are being heard by their parents (especially teenagers). As a result, they do not want to talk to their parents, fearing ridicule, lecturing, or minimizing of their problems. So what can you do? Here are some tips to help reduce your child’s stress and to be there for them:

- Listen: Just be there. Do not immediately offer advice unless your child asks for it. Allow him or her a chance to vent and provide empathetic responses (“I can see how that could stress you out.”). Set aside some time at least once a week to check in with your children and find out how school is going, friendships, etc.

- Allow for breaks and fun time: If your child has a lot of homework, “chunk” it and allow them to take 15 minutes breaks for every certain amount of time they spend on homework ( example: every hour). Plan fun outings on the weekends or spend a day inside watching movies.

- Extracurricular activities: Have your child become involved in activities outside of school, but DON’T OVERSCHEDULE! You child needs a mental break and to be around kids in a fun setting. Exercise allows for stress relief.

- Journaling: Have your child keep a journal that he or she can write in when stressed. This allows him or her to “get it out,” instead of letting stress build up inside.

These are just some examples. If you believe your child is overly stressed or anxious, seek professional assistance.